Motherhood

Motherhood is hard. It's the worrying and the lack of control that make it so hard. Amelia is at her Nana's right now and I am still worried about whether she has kicked her diarrhea problem. (I'm at work and shouldn't be blogging but I'm tired of worrying and thought this might help.) Amelia hasn't had a movement since yesterday morning and now I am worried she is stopped up ... ugh.

Things would be so much easier if:

She could just eat anything she wants (which she does most of the time ... just not now).
I could know for sure that the illnesses and bumps she'll endure will all be minor and not an indication of some horrible disease or condition.
She would come when I call her.
She would always hold my hand in the parking lot.
She would stop hitting me (even after asking me if I'm "hittable" and I say no.)
etc.

Which goes to the other hard part of motherhood - training. It would be nice for Amelia to be a meek, compliant child but I don't want to break her spirit. She is so happy and energetic. But she loves to explore and I have to learn
(a) how to effectively teach her when that isn't appropriate (being out of sight in a store) and
(b) how to let go (when she is exploring bugs and leaf piles, etc.). I am afraid of her getting bug bites that turn into infections, poison ivy and who knows what else.

Basically I feel so responsible for everything that happens to her, and it's just too much sometimes. I want to enjoy her childhood as much as she is.